You're completely useless in the revolution.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
