I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
