I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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