Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
