If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
