today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
