Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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