only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
