Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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