Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
