I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
