I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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