Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
