He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize