i think my mom watched the whole time
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
