she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
