hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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