I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
