You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
