your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
