everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
