I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
