i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So much rum. So many feels.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
