Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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