I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
