thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
