I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
