don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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