This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
