My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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