she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
