So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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