she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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