omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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