CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
