My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
