My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
