forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
