you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
