Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
