dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
