so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
