Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
