She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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