I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His nipple licking is glorious
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