You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
