honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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