I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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