I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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