I wish I only lived at night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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