So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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