So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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