I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
