life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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