There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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