Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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