Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
