i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
