i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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