I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
