As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
