Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize