I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
