when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you never un-have a 4some
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
