College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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