Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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