need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
