Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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