Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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