direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
