Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
