looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
