I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
