This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
