Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
