So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
