I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
