when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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