she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
