either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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