the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
