i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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