So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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