It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
