At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
