I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
