i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
