They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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