think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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