ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize