11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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