Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
