It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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