Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
