I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
