we're blogging at a bar
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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