the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
