I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't deserve a penis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
