i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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