i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
