she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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