I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
