be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
