so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
