I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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