He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
